Teyana & Iman (VH1)

TeyanaAndIman

Teyana & Iman (VH1) – Premieres 26th March

Standard reality TV along the lines of Jim & Chrissy Vow or Never & Gucci Mane & Keyshia Ka’oir: The Mane Event. Newlyweds NBA player Iman Shumpert and singer Teyana Taylor go about their daily business, all with a TV crew in tow.

The programme kicks off with the usual interview bits where the pair talk about their relationship, then goes into what they are doing. This goes from doing their day job to looking after their kid, all the while there are more interview bits interspersing it all.

As reality shows go this one doesn’t have any where near the amount of ruckus’ in it compared to other shows, putting it more in line with something like The Cromarties. Though why anyone would be interested in watching this is still a mystery.

1.2/10

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VH1 Beauty Bar (VH1)

BeautyBar

VH1 Beauty Bar (VH1) – Premieres 28th February

Quite literally a 17 minute long reality show where nothing makes any sense. Apparently everyone involved works in a beauty salon, though it’s not exactly clear whether they all work in the same place. Since it only shows one person working.

That lucky chap has his birthday coming up where the briefly introduced co-workers all descend onto a bar where a couple of them kick off, causing a ruckus. So along with the nonsensical introduction of everyone involved, for a 17 minute long episode a good 5 minutes of it is just b-roll of external shots.

It is an epic mess from start to finish.

0.4/10

Love And Hip Hop: Miami (VH1)

LoveAndHipHopMiami

Love And Hip Hop: Miami (VH1) – Premieres 1st January

Yet another Love and Hip Hop series, this time following the rappers of Miami. In the show it follows eight folks making their way through the music business and meeting up with each other where it descends into arguing and mild fighting.

in between the feuding, Amara La Negra is meeting up with a producer as she tries to cross over into the mainstream, Gunplay returns to Miami as he begins to produce a new album. Trick Daddy is making a second album with Trina, while Trinas cousin Bobby Lytes starts a ruckus with her entourage. And Pleasure P is getting his old band Pretty Ricky back together while his girlfriend Shay kicks off with everyone in the group.

As reality shows go, this is filled with every trope you can think of, all the while being a complete grind to get through. It’s not good.

1.0/10

Scared Famous (VH1)

ScaredFamous

Scared Famous (VH1) – Premieres 23rd October

Reality competition hosted by the rapper Redman, where 10 stars of reality shows are placed into an allegedly haunted house in Savannah, Georgia where the final person left will win some cash for the charity of their choice.

The competition has a group round, where the celebs have to all do a particular challenge that if they complete it they earn cash for the prize pot, but if they fail to complete it they get nothing. Then after the group round the celebs vote two peeps to go into the elimination round where who ever loses the challenge is knocked out of the competition.

That said the whole competition aspect is given the back seat and the majority of the programme feature the celebs running around shouting, and then getting scared shitless from some automated doors, leading to more shouting and the instant belief that they are being hunted down by evil spirits.

The actual premise of the programme does get some funny moments happening, but with virtually everyone on it being effortlessly annoying it’s a chore to get through.

1.8/10

Baller Wives (VH1)

BallerWives

Baller Wives (VH1) – Premieres 14th August

VH1s unwanted answer to WAGS where it follows the wives of their mainly retired NFL spouses, as they go about their business living in a gated community in Florida.

From the off there is a division amongst the women stemming from some sort of dog related incident, meaning every time the group converge in a bar it ends up in a slanging match. After the first meet it then skips three months, where there is another party they attend and exactly the same thing happens again. To break up the coverage of arguments it also throws in the usual interviews and follows the women doing their own thing.

It’s is unrelentingly tedious.

0.9/10

Signed (VH1)

Signed

Signed (VH1) – Premieres 26th July

Music competition where a group of hopeful singers and rappers go in front of music moguls Lenny S, The Dream & Rick Ross with the chance of getting signed.

It begins with the 3 auditioning the hopefuls and whittling them down to a group that they believe have the best chance of development. They then select the top 3 performers who are then put on priority list, where they give them the opportunity to work with producers and the like to work on their music. And if the performers don’t impress during their time then they get sent home.

As a singing competition it is more like The Pop Game than the usual X-Factor type talent show. That said it’s still not that interesting a watch.

2.0/10

Daytime Divas (VH1)

DaytimeDivas

Daytime Divas (VH1) – Premieres 5th June – Cancelled

A comedic drama that centres on the hosts The Lunch Hour, a daytime talk show in the style of Loose Women and The View. In it, the creator and anchor of the show Vanessa is at continual loggerheads with the the other members of the programme.

After Vanessa ends up in coma from a botched plastic surgery procedure, three of her co-hosts begin trying to vie for the main hosting gig. As the first show after Vanessas hospitalisation airs she awakes from the coma to find out what has been going on, and starts to tinker with the shows production to stitch up the others that have been trying to get her job.

As this goes on she has the brainwave to continually sabotage the programme while pretending to be in the coma so her return will create a bigger buzz.

The show is like a mix between UnREAL and Desperate Housewives, though it doesn’t really work as the comedy parts rarely become apparent, and the dramatic side is equivalent to a poor daytime soap. It’s one to miss.

2.1/10