Baller Wives (VH1)

BallerWives

Baller Wives (VH1) – Premieres 14th August

VH1s unwanted answer to WAGS where it follows the wives of their mainly retired NFL spouses, as they go about their business living in a gated community in Florida.

From the off there is a division amongst the women stemming from some sort of dog related incident, meaning every time the group converge in a bar it ends up in a slanging match. After the first meet it then skips three months, where there is another party they attend and exactly the same thing happens again. To break up the coverage of arguments it also throws in the usual interviews and follows the women doing their own thing.

It’s is unrelentingly tedious.

0.9/10

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Signed (VH1)

Signed

Signed (VH1) – Premieres 26th July

Music competition where a group of hopeful singers and rappers go in front of music moguls Lenny S, The Dream & Rick Ross with the chance of getting signed.

It begins with the 3 auditioning the hopefuls and whittling them down to a group that they believe have the best chance of development. They then select the top 3 performers who are then put on priority list, where they give them the opportunity to work with producers and the like to work on their music. And if the performers don’t impress during their time then they get sent home.

As a singing competition it is more like The Pop Game than the usual X-Factor type talent show. That said it’s still not that interesting a watch.

2.0/10

Daytime Divas (VH1)

DaytimeDivas

Daytime Divas (VH1) – Premieres 5th June

A comedic drama that centres on the hosts The Lunch Hour, a daytime talk show in the style of Loose Women and The View. In it, the creator and anchor of the show Vanessa is at continual loggerheads with the the other members of the programme.

After Vanessa ends up in coma from a botched plastic surgery procedure, three of her co-hosts begin trying to vie for the main hosting gig. As the first show after Vanessas hospitalisation airs she awakes from the coma to find out what has been going on, and starts to tinker with the shows production to stitch up the others that have been trying to get her job.

As this goes on she has the brainwave to continually sabotage the programme while pretending to be in the coma so her return will create a bigger buzz.

The show is like a mix between UnREAL and Desperate Housewives, though it doesn’t really work as the comedy parts rarely become apparent, and the dramatic side is equivalent to a poor daytime soap. It’s one to miss.

2.1/10

The Breaks (VH1)

thebreaks

The Breaks (VH1) – Premieres 20th February – Renewed

Rap based drama set in the 90’s that follows on from the VH1 film of the same name. In it it follows Nikki, who has just landed a job to assist artist manager Barry Fouray who is looking into the possibilities of starting his own record label. DeeVee, Nikkis friend and music producer who is under suspicion of Ahm, the rapper he is working who believes DeeVee is a police informant. And Ahm, who Nikki is trying to get on Barry Fourays books as the latest up and coming star, and is under police investigation for murder.

For an VH1 drama it’s surprisingly good, with it being a grittier take on the rap industry than the almost comic like The Get Down, or the trashy soap opera style of Empire.

5.8/10

Leave It To Stevie (VH1)

leaveittostevie

Leave It To Stevie (VH1) – Starts 19th December

Not satisfied with already having one reality show this year Stevie J of Stevie J & Joseline: Go Hollywood fame has ditched the missus and gone it alone. To fill the space previously taken up by his vapid former partner, he gets his children to move back into his home where they trash talk Joseline and Stevie takes his son out to pull women with.

What follows is Stevie trying to pull women, then finding out they want his help to achieve fame, then bemoaning to his kids he can only attract a certain type of woman.

It’s some epically mind numbing stuff.

1.2/10

Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party (VH1)

marthaandsnoopspotluckdinnerparty

Martha & Snoop’s Potluck Dinner Party (VH1) – Starts 7th November – Renewed

A truly bizarre pairing where Snoop Dogg cohosts with Martha Stewart in a show that is a mix between Kocktails With Khloé and a cooking show. In it Snoop and Martha do a cook off each accompanied with a guest while talking bollocks and arseing about.

Another guest is introduced halfway through the cooking for added arseing about and talking bollocks and is also giving the job of being the possible deciding vote on who has produced the best dish.

After the cooking is done it then transfers over to the tasting which is done in an awkward Kocktails With Khloé sitdown at a table where they play one of those terrible dinner party games as a substitute to interviewing.

There’s also a DJ in the studio who looks like a DJ for a Bar Mitzvah, and a musical guest to play out the show where Martha Stewart moves awkwardly along to it.

It’s a weird car crash of a programme, a weird, weird car crash.

1.3/10

Shaunie’s Home Court (VH1)

ShauniesHomeCourt

Shaunie’s Home Court (VH1) – Starts 17th July – Renewed

Standard reality shlock, this time following the ex-Mrs Shaquille O’Neal and her five children and two nannies as the go about their lives.

It’s a lot like For Peete’s SakeMeet The Smiths & It Takes A Sister, where a whole episode can happen and you realise that nothing much occurred. It’s completely forgettable.

1.7/10