How Far is Tattoo Far? (MTV)

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How Far is Tattoo Far? (MTV) – Premieres 11th October

Hosted by Snooki from Jersey Shore along with Nick Tortoerlla from Younger, this is a show where two folks who know, and are almost already peeved with each other, get the chance to tattoo whatever they want on the other persons body.

In the programme the two people are introduced, where they talk about the history about each other and explain why they want to tattoo one another. Then Snooki and Nick each take one of the guests to the tattooist where they show the host a what they want etched on the other persons body.

Then after the tattoos are done they are revealed one at a time, where the person on the receiving end ends up being distraught/annoyed/perplexed, as Snooki and Nick try to raise the recipients spirits after being given something utterly shit on their body. Then when that’s all done, they do it all over again with a new couple.

In the world of bad TV this show is right up there, where there’s nothing redeemable that comes from it. And it’s generally an excuse for people to fuck each other over in a witless and shitty way. It is dire.

0.6/10

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The Return of Shelby The Swamp Man (History)

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The Return of Shelby The Swamp Man (History) – Premieres 11th October

A spinoff of The Legend of Shelby the Swamp Man, this follows Shelby Strong as he returns to helping folk on the Louisiana Bayou after spending two years in isolation.

Teamed up with his trainee Angela, Shelby goes about getting his business back in order. As he gets his old boats back up and running, shows Angela how to fell trees and uses his new boat The Leviathan in a variety of ways.

In between getting his business up and running, Shelby helps out locals by getting various supplies for them, using his jet boats to smash up some illegal setups found in the Bayou and helping a historian dig up items found in the water.

If you’ve seen any of the other programmes featuring Shelby, then this is more of the same, as he does over-the-top solutions to the problems thrown at him. Overall it’s one of the trashier bits of programming that History pumps out, where it does exactly what you’d expect and is generally background viewing at best.

3.5/10

Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat (Netflix)

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Salt, Fat, Acid, Heat (Netflix) – Premieres 11th October

A food travel show hosted by chef Samin Nosrat, where in each episode it concentrates on one of the cooking elements salt, fat, acid & heat.

During the episode, Samin travels the world to find out how different approaches to the certain element have been adopted by specific food producers to create unique items.

As Samin talks with the producers to find out how their approach is different, and looks into how the usually generational technique was developed. She joins in with the creation of the food, highlighting the differences that help make the food taste different. Before wrapping up the programme by creating meal utilising the food she has sampled over the episode.

For a food based travel show it’s a pretty relaxing bit of viewing, where it’s more about the interaction of Samin with the folks she’s chatting to than solely concentrating of the food. Making it a pleasant enough way to burn 45 minutes.

4.7/10

Mega Machines: Sea Giants (Science Channel)

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Mega Machines: Sea Giants (Science Channel) – Premieres 11th October

The aquatic version of Mega Machines, where each episode looks at a sea based vessel that has been built with, and incorporating the latest technology.

During the programme it goes through the history of the type of vessel being looked into. And showing what the new version has to be able to do during its usual operation. From there it then breaks down specific areas of the vessel, showing how the new technology makes it easier to use and more effective in its daily duties.

Along with breaking down the parts the programme is looking at, there are also interviews with folks that worked with the older versions where they compare what they used to do and how it’s changed with the modifications on the new machine.

Even for this type of factual show it’s a grind to get through, where even if you’re interested in this type of stuff, it’s presented in such a way that you start losing interest quickly.

1.5/10

All American (The CW)

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All American (The CW) – Premieres 10th October

A CW take on Friday Night Lights, this is a drama that follows Spencer James, a high school wide receiver who plays in the rougher part of LA. Where he is approached by Coach Baker about transferring over to the vastly posher Beverly Hills High School.

After initially rejecting the offer, Spencer gets talked around by his mother and his best friend to give it a chance as it’s a rare opportunity. Spurred on by this Spencer transfers and quickly finds out the school is completely different to his old one, and one where his background is used to give him a cheap stereotype.

Along with the difficulties of settling in, the rest of the team take a dislike to him, where the quarterback Jordan, Coach Bakers son, goes about trying to sabotage his chances. Then after a game where Spencer helped with the win,  Coach Baker finds out the school board are trying to remove Spencer due to him not being local to the school. Which leads to Coach Baker inviting Spencer to live with his family, much to Jordans annoyance.

As high school sports dramas go, this is a pretty dull affair, where anything of note that does happen is pretty forgettable. And the parts of the programme where the school are playing a match appear lazily put together. And all together it’s a bit of a slog to get through.

3.6/10

 

Halloween Cake Off (Food Network)

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Halloween Cake Off (Food Network) – Premieres 8th October

Another Halloween inspired cooking competition, but in this host Duff Goldman has four bakers going up against each other in a bid to win $10k.

The competition is split into two rounds. In the first the four bakers have to create a halloween themed cake within 3 hours that incorporates the stipulation set before the round starts. After the round is finished the cakes are tasted and evaluated by Duff and two other judges, where the cake deemed to be the worst is eliminated.

In the second round, the remaining bakers have to pick an envelope that contains a word that their final cake has to adhere to. Then the bakers head off to their home bakeries for five days for them to make a super sized cake with less than regular additions to it.

When the five days are up the bakers return to the competition where they have 20 minutes to do the finishing touches before they are presented to the judges. Then when the cakes are ready, the judges check out if the cakes fill the brief they were given, along with actually tasting them. And the best is crowned the winner.

While the show is a run of the mill competition, some of the cakes are an impressive sight. And while it’s a solid enough competition, there’s not too much going on that separates it from the other similar types of show.

3.3/10

Dancing with the Stars: Juniors (ABC)

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Dancing with the Stars: Juniors (ABC) – Premieres 7th October

A version of Dancing With The Stars/Strictly Come Dancing, where instead of adult celebrities taking part, the dancers are kids that are either have fame in their own right, or are the offspring of famous folk.

Like the original, the kids are paired up with a competition standard dancer of around the same age, but in this each team is tutored by a dancer that appears in the adult version.

During the programme each team has to perform a routine, and after recap of their week build up along with the actual dance, the pair get feedback from the three judges before being given their score. Then when all the couples have performed, the studio audience votes on their favourite performance, the scores are added to the judges and the lowest scoring couple is eliminated.

As the show is near identical to the adult version, this incarnation would only be of interest to those that enjoy the original.

2.8/10